Starting Conversations

The Lyre, Winter 2011 / Life is What Happens When We’re Making Other Plans

by Cherí O’Neill, Executive Director
(Gamma Mu, Ball State University)

Before coming to Alpha Chi Omega, I was in the midst of a career change from 17 years in higher education to a private therapy practice focusing on women.  My goal was to work with women to help them live the lives of their dreams, to help them succeed and thrive in ways that were meaningful to them.  One woman at a time, I would be helping women transform.

I wanted to enrich my studies toward that career with some volunteer work, so I went to the Alpha Chi Omega website to see what was available.  It was there that I found posted not only what I was seeking—volunteer opportunities—but also an executive directorship.  Out of the blue, I discovered a role through which I might multiply my one-woman-at-a-time dream by more than 200,000 Alpha Chi Omega sisters.

As a result of being honored with this leadership role in Alpha Chi Omega, my dream, or at least the manifestation of that dream, didn’t come to pass exactly as I expected.  Instead, my work with women has exceeded my dream.  Rather than one woman at a time, I am now able to aid thousands of women.  Alpha Chi Omega has made that possible.

Our sisterhood has often been the catalyst for big changes in my life.  Like so many, I went off to college with a clear vision of what I was going to do: English Ph.D.; work at some small private liberal arts college; and, on the side, write the great American novel.  At that stage, I was much more comfortable expressing myself through the written word than the spoken word.  Books and studying were my safe zones.

Once on campus, however, the world began to change, to open up for me.  Different possibilities, ones I’d never considered or imagined, came into view.  The greatest change occurred through Alpha Chi Omega.  I learned through our sisterhood that there was more to knowledge than what occurred in a classroom.  There was more to life than what I found between the covers of books.  Being surrounded by women with different gifts, abilities, goals and dreams inspired me to explore and broaden my own horizons.  I learned about the power of women united to help each other and the strength it can provide.  I learned that, by working together, we can achieve so much more.

It was that gift of Alpha Chi Omega—that sense of belonging, connection and relationships—that helped give me the strength to pursue new dreams, to make changes in my life, to not just “think” about what I wanted, but to go after it.

As writer and cartoonist Allen Saunders said (and Beatle John Lennon said years later), “Life is what happens to us while we are making other plans.”  It’s all well and good to plot out where we want to go, the route we want to take, and by what time we want to depart from one location and arrive at the next.  But sometimes, the greatest discoveries and surprises lie along the detours, the wrong turns, the leisurely drives, the early departures, the late arrivals and, yes, the good company and conversation along the way.

Alpha Chi Omega has brought those discoveries and surprises, that good company and conversation, to my life and career.  Tell me:  What has it brought to yours?  What are the differences being an Alpha Chi Omega has made in your life?

The Lyre, Winter 2011 / Finding Your Why

by Jenny Pratt, Director of Leadership Initiatives
(Pi Beta Phi, Franklin College)

I want to ask you a question.  And, I do not want you to take it lightly. Your answer will be uniquely yours, and it is important.  By important, I mean really important; it’s potentially of life-changing importance.  It’s not a very long question, but your answer is critical to you being the best version of yourself you can possibly be.  Here goes…What is your “why?”

Why do you do the things you do every day? Why do you go to work?  Why do you go to class?  Why do you volunteer for Alpha Chi Omega?  Why are you studying what you are studying?  Why does your chapter do what it does?  Why are you hosting that philanthropy event?  Why are you trying to lose weight?

“Why.”  It’s a powerful word.

Simon Sinek is an author, educator and optimist who, to use his own words, is “leading a movement to inspire people to do the things that inspire them.”  He leads conversations around the world to help people and organizations focus on their “why.”

He says, “People like Martin Luther King Jr., Steve Jobs and the Wright Brothers might have little in common, but they all started with ‘why.’  It was their natural ability to start with ‘why’ that enabled them to inspire those around them and to achieve remarkable things.”

Sinek adds, “Any organization can explain what it does; some can explain how they do it; but very few can clearly articulate why.  ‘Why’ is not money or profit—those are always results.  Those who start with ‘why’ never manipulate, they inspire.  And the people who follow them don’t do so because they have to; they follow because they want to.”

A couple examples

Your chapter hosts its annual philanthropy event.  Chapter members are fairly involved, but no one other than the same people is really doing much to make the event a success.  Nevertheless, you have decent attendance, and participants have a pretty good time.  There are T-shirts and signs, banners and boys.  You make at least as much money as last year, and you give a nice donation to the local shelter or service organization serving domestic violence survivors.  All in all you consider the event a success.

OK, congratulations; you hosted an event and made a donation.  Nothing wrong with that! But I have a question:  Do you host the philanthropy event because you know it’s what you’re “supposed to do” as an Alpha Chi Omega chapter, or do you host the philanthropy event because you, personally, want to help create a world where no man, woman or child is ever harmed by someone they know, trust or love again?

To be fair, both reasons for hosting the event are completely valid, and both will help the organization your chapter supports.  However, which one is a more powerful “why?”  Which one gives you the opportunity to inspire action?  Which one allows participants to walk away feeling like they were part of a movement?  And realistically speaking, which one allows you to create messages that will help you raise a lot more money?

Now, think a little bit into the future.  Think about your “why” after college.

It’s been a few years since you earned that coveted bachelor’s degree and victoriously moved your tassel from one side to the other—a graduate of your alma mater!  Since then, you’ve gotten a job, moved a time or two, gotten married, and generally are living the life you always thought you would.  Somewhere along the way, you have managed to find more than just a couple extra pounds.  The doctor has been on you to do something; you’ve started and stopped more diets than you care to confess, and your new member class reunion is only a few months away.

The real question is, why do you want to lose weight?

Do you want to lose weight because you want to look good at homecoming?  Do you want to lose weight because you want to prove to yourself that you can actually stick to something?  Do you want to lose weight because you want the doctor to stop asking about it?

Again, all are valid reasons.  However, what if your “why” was even more personal than all of those things—not losing the weight increases your likelihood of breast cancer; not losing the weight increases the chances you might not ever see your future children graduate; not losing the weight decreases your chances of completing any of your lifelong dreams.

Losing weight for an event is a fabulous motivator, but what happens after the event?  Which of these “whys” make it easier to stay focused on the task at hand, even when the temptations are huge?

Why now?‘

Beyond being great information to hopefully help you inspire yourself and others, Alpha Chi Omega has embraced this idea and created a program to help collegiate chapters—and individual members—find their “why” and live the Alpha Chi Omega “why.”

Finding their “why” and creating plans to accomplish it are two of the central themes of the newly created InTune.  InTune is a chapter retreat that every Alpha Chi Omega collegiate chapter will experience over the next three years (and beyond).

Beyond the “why,” the program is designed to help every woman determine her personal values, connect her values to her chapter’s values, and then see how personal and chapter values impact Alpha Chi Omega’s values of wisdom, devotion and achievement.

More than 20 chapters have already experienced InTune, and another 20-25 are scheduled for the spring term.  It is an intense, day-and-a-half program that gives chapters the chance to brainstorm big ideas for living their “why” and develop priorities for how the chapter can move forward.  Following the program, each chapter works with an Alpha Chi Omega volunteer to make sure the progress made during the retreat continues after the weekend.

What if every Alpha Chi Omega member were connected to her personal “why?”  What if every single Alpha Chi Omega woman were a walking billboard for being a real, strong woman?

What if you took time right now to re-declare your commitment to living your life to the values of Alpha Chi Omega?

Simon Sinek says it best:  The ability to start with “why” enables you to achieve remarkable things.

The Lyre, Winter 2011 / Together Let Us Seek…Serenity

by Malena Lott
(Psi, University of Oklahoma)

Andy Williams may croon that “It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year,” but then again, he’s a guy. Of course it’s wonderful for men!  They wake up one day and the tree is decorated, the feast is prepared, the packages are bought and wrapped, and the holiday tunes playlist is booming from the speakers.

For many of us, the holidays—with all their merriment and laughter—are also the most stressful time of the year. Holidays don’t just “happen,” they are planned in meticulous detail by women and a few men with “Buddy the Elf” disorder. And then, just like a woman, we let a fat man with a cute suit take all the credit.

I’ll admit, I’m guilty as charged. Michael Bublé and the Rat Pack start serenading me with holiday songs the day after Halloween. I shop ‘til I drop. I bake, entertain like Martha Stewart on ‘roids, and overly deck the halls.  I’m not about to take the “fa-la-la” out of your favorite time of the year, but I am going to ask for a pledge—nay, a sacred vow—that you will “let there be peace on earth,” and let it begin with you. That you will give yourself one silent night that doesn’t end in you doing the dishes. That you will give up all of your elfish and Mrs. Claus duties long enough to grant yourself some good old-fashioned serenity.

Oh, and Guilt?  So not invited to this party!  In fact, you had best lock Guilt in the nearest closet or she’ll sit on your shoulder the whole time you’re trying to finally get to your bubble bath and pleasure reading (ahem, Sleigh Ride), nagging that you should be putting away the ornaments instead.

Why does serenity matter?  When we’re burned out, our fire literally goes out. We wake up one day and—BAM!—where did the years go? What happened to that dream you had when you were an Alpha Chi back in college?  What dreams are still there, even if they’re tiny flames?

Being a real, strong woman means being true to ourselves, even if that means shuffling the deck and making some big life changes. The truth is, not everybody wants you to change. Those around you may like you just the way you are—in a box—fulfilling their needs, because that’s human nature. We don’t walk around verbalizing that we want people in our lives to reach their goals, because, honestly, that may put us out.

But I’m not simply guessing that you have someone in your life who wants you to fulfill your dreams, I’m betting on it. You have a network of women who care very much that you are living your purpose. Me. Her. Those cuties on alphachiomega.org. Your lyre sisters!

That “Together let us seek the heights” stuff wasn’t a bunch of hooey. It was a calling. A mission. We serve others—yes!  When we give from the heart, we get it back tenfold. We state our dreams, and we give each other shoulders to stand on. We’re in this adventure together. Sure, you need to opt in. If you’re hiding somewhere, it makes it hard for me to find you. But we are here!  I’ve found sisters on Twitter, on Facebook, on LinkedIn, and—get ready for this—in person at the chapter house!

I gave myself some time away from the family to spend it with my much younger Alpha Chi Omega sisters during recruitment this past August. I loved recruitment when I was in college, and that same excitement returned watching the women prepare the house for their skits and sharing the Alpha Chi story with potential members. What struck me on the visit was 1) these chicks are beautiful, smart leaders and 2) we’re all in this together. Not only could recruitment not happen as a solitary act, but neither could college, business success or family life.

We just need to take a breather once in a while to make sure we’re on the right track and that we’re wearing the engineer hat. Together, let’s make a commitment to reflect on 2011—not only what happened to us in our lives, but what we made happen and how we felt about it. Together, let’s be conscious about what we invite into our lives in 2012—passengers on our purpose that keep us feeling like real, strong women.

The following are some questions and statements we can ponder for the new year:

• What gives me energy and what depletes it?
• What activity do I love that I need to make more time for?
• What could I give up in my schedule to make room for a passion?
• Am I being fulfilled at my job?  What could I do to improve my situation?
• Is there something holding me back from pursuing my dream?
• My weekend would be more enjoyable if I…
• If I could quit my job today, I would…
• If I could visit any place in the world, it would be…

Need some more inspiration?  Let people who are already living their dream (or have lived it) motivate you. Oprah has her own magazine, television network and a school for girls in Africa. Steve Jobs pursued his dream to create personal computers despite everyone in the industry laughing at him, but he went on to revolutionize the way we communicate and live. Alpha Chi sister Maria Bailey is a mom-expert who has founded several businesses, written books and helps national companies connect with moms. Inspiration is all around us.

When I allow myself time to meditate on how I want to shape my life, the answers always come. One such aha moment was the creation of Sleigh Ride, a winter anthology featuring award-winning women authors. The same day the idea hit me, the phrase “good read/good deed” popped to the surface. The best way for me to fundraise for causes I care about was to incorporate what I do best.

I’d written novels before, but I’d never spearheaded an anthology. I had no idea who would be in it, but I felt a calling to move forward and the pieces fell into place. A portion of the proceeds will benefit the Jessie Bliss McGrew Freedom Fund through the Alpha Chi Omega Foundation, fulfilling the good read/good deed mission.

When I grant myself serenity, I’m in the flow. When I let the busy monster (that Grinch!) take over my life, it stops. I can hear my inner voice only if I quiet my mind to listen. I used to believe that meant sitting down with pen in hand in front of my calendar to jot down what I needed to do to kickstart my mojo. Now I realize it’s as simple as being in the present moment and paying attention.

We’re pulled in so many directions and each stage of our life presents its own unique challenges. No single stage provides the luxury of an “easy pass,” yet we wait for it like children hoping to unwrap the golden ticket. Instead of wishing for a flexible work life, I had to create one for myself. Instead of waiting for the “right time” to travel, to write a book, to start my own company, I had to shake the fear monkey off my back and go for it.

It’s not just about a “bucket list” of things we want to accomplish in our lives (Paris will still be there in 10 years, right?), but about living each day with serenity and passion, even if that’s five minutes carved out for deep breathing and meditation. What could you let go of that doesn’t provide true meaning in your life?  Jersey Shore, perhaps?  The Bachelor?  How can we turn time into traction?

As Father Time passes the hourglass to Baby New Year, why not turn the hourglass into a rattle? It’s time to shake things up.

The Lyre, Winter 2011 / Breaking the Silence: Speaking Her Truth

Seinquis Slater, a 2008 initiate of the Alpha Pi chapter at the University of North Dakota, was a typical college woman—studying hard during the day and having too much fun at night.  Then, following a devastating sexual assault, her life turned upside down.  Now, Seinquis is a healthy, thriving graduate student and advocate against assault and violence.  This is her story.

Originally from Fort Walton Beach, Florida, Seinquis Slater moved to the small town of Minot, North Dakota at the age of 7, as her grandfather’s military assignment required the move.  Minot and the people of the area quickly became her home.  When the time came to choose a college to attend, Seinquis decided to stay close.  Her freshman year at the University of North Dakota in Grand Forks began in fall 2007.

Starting her college experience just as any typical 18-year-old would—excited, having fun, making mistakes, enjoying her freedom— Seinquis moved into campus housing; became as involved in extracurricular activities as possible; and, in the following spring, joined the Alpha Pi chapter of Alpha Chi Omega.  She found herself, at times, struggling with time management, but Seinquis kept her grades up, finishing the year with a 4.0 GPA.  She expected her second year to be no different.

How Everything Changed

As her sophomore year began, Seinquis was asked to participate in a friend’s wedding.  So, in October 2008, Seinquis found herself flying to Alaska for the nuptials, looking forward to every minute.  Following the ceremony, the reception was definitely a party—food, dancing and a lot of alcohol.

Admittedly, Seinquis was underage and well beyond any smart alcohol consumption limit.  She could not control her actions, nor could she hold herself up.  Stumbling into the women’s restroom alone, she collapsed inside one of the stalls.  When another member of the wedding party, the best man, came into the restroom, it seemed as if he was trying to help her.  As others came into the restroom, he spoke on her behalf, telling them that she was fine and that he was taking care of her.  Seinquis was so intoxicated, she was unable to speak.

When she woke up the next morning, she remembered very little of the reception.  But as the morning went on, memories of the night before began to flash in her mind.  She had not been safe in the restroom.  The best man had not been taking care of her.  Even with many others unknowingly in attendance, she had been raped.

Her Silence

When she spoke of the incident to a friend at the wedding, Seinquis’s claims were dismissed, and she was told she simply had drank too much.  With resonating doubt, she told no one else.

Throughout the semester, Seinquis withdrew from friends, family and priorities.  Her GPA dropped to a 2.0 and she was not handling pressure well. Knowing she had to “get better,” she focused on the only thing that did not need emotions:  school.  In spring 2009, Seinquis threw herself into her studies.  Wake up; go to class; go home; study; go to bed.  This was her routine, keeping her distracted and busy.  Her grades improved, but Seinquis did not.

Recognizing she was unhealthy, her boyfriend at the time encouraged her to seek counseling.  Reluctant because she did not believe there was a problem, she agreed and began counseling at the University of North Dakota Counseling Center.  A year following the incident, the counselor diagnosed Seinquis with depression and post-traumatic stress disorder.

Seinquis remembers, “It is the hardest thing to tell someone that loves you, that you have been sexually assaulted.  But being able to talk with the counselor definitely helped.”

Speaking Out

As the counseling sessions continued, Seinquis began to share her ordeal with friends and family, and she began to quietly advocate for the campus Women’s Center.  Seinquis was encouraged to speak out to others—other young women who may be in the same situation—but she was afraid.  Finally building up the courage, in October 2010, Seinquis spoke of her ordeal and the scope of feelings that she experienced and was still experiencing during the university’s Take Back the Night rally.

Seinquis remembers, “I was scared out of my mind, but I got on stage, told my story with every detail and encouraged women to break the silence.  Afterwards, people sent me messages on Facebook and emailed me, wanting to talk about their stories.  The Counseling Center even had an increase in women coming to them.”

With her newfound empowerment, Seinquis offered support by listening to other women as they spoke of their ordeals, and by helping with domestic violence awareness opportunities through her Alpha Chi Omega chapter.  And although she feels strong now thanks to her efforts toward others, speaking to her friends and family about the incident, and finally coming to terms that it was not her fault, Seinquis knows that this will be a life-long struggle.

“You’re never over it.  You never don’t have the associated feelings.  But it is how you cope with those feelings that lets you move on.”

Seinquis graduated in May 2011 with a bachelor’s degree in Sociology.  By the time of her graduation, Seinquis had been involved in student government; the university’s curriculum committee, essential studies committee and Greek life coordinator search committee; Panhellenic council, the North Dakota Student Association; Alpha Phi Omega service fraternity; and much more.  Among her many honors, Seinquis was named a NASPA Undergraduate Rising Star by the student affairs administrators in higher education, was given Student of the Month recognition by the University of North Dakota, was awarded the ALANA H.O.P.E (Helping Our People Excel) Award by the University of North Dakota’s multicultural student services, and was awarded the Gordon Henry Award by the University of North Dakota’s Greek life.  Seinquis is currently pursuing a master’s in educational leadership, and she is employed full-time with the University of North Dakota as a traveling representative for enrollment services.

Her Regrets

When asked whether or not she ever confronted the man, Seinquis stated, “I have never confronted him.  At the time, I didn’t want the bride to think less of me or him. I was not ready for the confrontation.  I thought that if I never saw him again, I would get over it.  Yes, I do wish I had said something, but by the time I realized this, I felt like it was too late.”  Unfortunately, this is not her only regret.

“Many underage women are offered alcohol depending on the situation they’re in.  My advice to those women would be: just don’t do it.  If you choose to though, really know the people you are around and be able to trust those you surround yourself with.  I learned this too late.”

Advice to Others

Now, three years following her ordeal, Seinquis maintains that speaking out against, or just speaking to someone, period, is the best advice she can give to anyone in the same situation.
“Break the silence.  You are going to encourage others and help yourself, even if you do not realize it right then.”

And to her Alpha Chi Omega sisters who are in their darkest times, Seinquis encourages that “through the best of time or worst of times, ‘Together let us seek the heights’ truly has so much meaning.  Talk to and lean on your sisters when you need someone to listen; they will be there for you.  When I was down, I always new tomorrow would be a better day because I had a family of women who understood what I was going through and were willing to help me.  Always stand up for yourself; communicate with your sisters, friends and family; and never give up on your life goals, no matter which obstacles you face.”

To learn more about counseling options for those who have experienced sexual assault and/or other abuse, please visit womenshealth.gov.  To learn more about Take Back the Night and to find a rally in your area, visit takebackthenight.org.

The Consultant Chronicles: Make It Count

by Stephanie Chavez
(Iota Omega, Carthage College)

As 2012 begins, we take advantage of the fresh, new start in front of us.  A new year brings the excitement of starting over.  It is the chance to get rid of the good to make room for the great.  We take time to reflect on the previous year and make resolutions to make the upcoming year even better than the last.

To be honest, I have never been good at keeping New Year’s resolutions.  Every January I promise to workout more and procrastinate less.  The next thing I know, it is mid-February and I am still procrastinating on that workout from two weeks ago.  Although I struggle to keep resolutions, I am always up for a good challenge.  For 2012, I have a challenge for Alpha Chi Omega collegians everywhere: make it count. Membership lasts a lifetime, but time as a collegian only lasts four years.

It is time to take advantage of every moment before it is over.  A little cliché?  Probably.  Worth it?  Most definitely!  Instead of seeing chapter meetings as just another meeting to sit through, think of it as more time to spend with your sisters.  Try attending a chapter event you normally would not go to.  Who knows, maybe you will find a new way to get involved within the chapter.  During recruitment, sing your heart out to those recruitment songs we all love so much.  You never know if that could be the party that convinces a woman to join Alpha Chi Omega.  Whatever you do, find a way to make all the moments of your collegiate experience count.

Happy 2012!  How will you make it count?

Kristin’s Story

by Andrea Cooper, Presenter of Kristin’s Story
(Delta Delta Delta Sorority)

In July 1998, my life changed drastically.  It was an absolutely wonderful change.  As most of you know, we lost our daughter, Kristin, an Alpha Chi Omega of Omicron chapter at Baker University, to suicide, New Year’s Eve, 1995.

At the Tri Delta Convention that July, I was offered a grant to travel and tell “Kristin’s Story” to campuses across the nation.  When Kristin died, I had no intention of going out and speaking on rape, depression and suicide to thousands of college students.  That first year, I spoke at 20 universities.  To date, I have spoken at over 300 campuses and 27 conferences in every state but three, as well as Canada and Australia.

Then, in the spring of 1999, Alpha Chi Omega also offered to provide a grant for me to present Kristin’s Story.  Both Tri Delta and Alpha Chi Omega provided 10 grants a year.  In addition to the grant schools, I spoke at many colleges who paid me independently as well at conferences.  After 10 years of providing grants, Tri Delta chose to no longer offer the grant.  Thankfully, Alpha Chi Omega has continued.  This fall of 2012, Alpha Chi Omega will have provided grants for 13 wonderful years, and Alpha Chi Omega continues to do so.

Kristin’s Story and Alpha Chi Omega are natural partners.  Alpha Chi Omega’s altruism is domestic violence awareness, and Kristin was a victim of rape which led to her suicide.

I have been blessed many times over.  I have met so many wonderful college men and women in my travels as well as the wonderful Greek Advisors.  These wonderful students have made me feel so appreciated and made me feel like Kristin’s Story is really making a difference.  I have held many women in my arms who are sobbing because they have been raped or molested.  I have hugged many men whose girlfriends or sisters have been raped.  I have had many men and women come to me and tell me their story of rape and/or molestation. 
Alpha Chi Omega is doing such wonderful work in their fight to end domestic violence.  Before I started traveling and speaking, I was unaware how prevalent dating violence is.

I feel by traveling and speaking to students, Kristin lives on and is helping others.

Learn more about Krisitn’s Story and how your university can receive a grant.

The Consultant Chronicles: Leadership—Is it in you?

by Laura Nelson
(Zeta Xi, University of North Carolina-Greensboro)

We all have the capability to serve as leaders for our organization. Over my travels, I have seen leadership in presidents and I have seen leadership in those members who volunteer to give up a Friday night to pick up a car-less consultant and take her out to dinner. It is the heart of those leaders that makes me step back and realize how lucky I am to be a part of this phenomenal organization. This side of leadership comes from a joy of giving back and finding what really makes you happy. We sometimes get lost in the false idea of what it means to be a leader. You do not have to have a position in the chapter in order to be considered an influential leader. It is someone who has the ability to serve as a positive example for those around her while bringing a passion and life to her work. So, just step back and evaluate what you really enjoy. Then translate that into a function of the chapter. I had the opportunity to meet an amazing young woman with an unmatched talent for art who just wanted to get involved in her chapter. The very next semester she took the position of banner chair and exponentially increased her chapter’s marketing. No, she was not a member of the executive board, but she did make an impact on her chapter and she did it with heart.   

As almost any member of a Greek organization will agree, we are constantly developing our organization and ourselves. So, remember to let what you love be your inspiration. In turn, inspire others to develop in a way that makes them happy. I’d like to propose that it is through those women who possess that “Alpha Chi sparkle” that we find a way to shine as well. I cannot express the amount of pride I feel when I meet with a chapter officer, general chapter member or chapter advisor that lives and breathes that sparkle. My time as a chapter consultant has given me exponential opportunity to meet those women, an experience that I will never forget but will always be thankful for.

“Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined.”  ~Henry David Thoreau

Thank An Elf Today

by Malena Lott
(Psi, University of Oklahoma)
 
“Mom, I’m thirsty.”

“Can you resize that ad, like, before noon?”

“Hon, would you pick up my prescription while you’re out today?”

It’s no wonder I love this time of year: I’m obviously an elf disguised as your typical suburban work-at-home mom and wife. Not only does this Giving Season require gift-giving, but a heckuva lot of extra giving of our time.

I may have woken up feeling like the Elf who didn’t get invited to Santa’s ball, but while I was out buying all the things I forgot the first time I got out this morning, I realized the best way to remedy my Elf Blues is to feel gratitude for all the elves in my life. Example: The chipper middle-aged checker at WalMart, who despite having a job where she has to stand all day, sincerely told me to “have a nice day,” when I hadn’t so much as given her a smile beforehand.

Thanking the service people in our lives who keep our lives humming is a great way to turn that frown “upside down” or at least keep the stabby feelings at bay. Even more – we can make them feel better about their jobs and pass it on. Crazy how that works. Using Dale Carnegie’s principal to always call people by name, I started using it on the postal workers, my bank teller and, when I remember, checkers. I’m not sure how Dale figured out this easy way to win people over, but it truly delivers. When you call someone by his or her name, it says they are more than their “duty”; they are a person of value.

Connection happens. Relationships form. Elves unite.

When you come to think of it, we are all here to serve each other. We’re all elves who occasionally get our chance holding the reins and steering the reindeer.

I hope you’ll take a moment and think about all the people in your life who do little tasks and keep our homes, schools, communities and businesses thriving, one answered call, one check-out beep and one opened door at a time. If you call them by name, they may be surprised, but great things will start to happen. If you thank them for their service, you may even find your own service improves. You may even get a little something extra in your stocking this year.

Malena Lott is a brand strategist and author of several novels. Lott’s latest book is Sleigh Ride: A Winter Anthology, called “well-written” and “moving.” A portion of the profits will benefit the domestic violence prevention cause through the Alpha Chi Omega Foundation. Find out more at www.malenalott.com.

Real, Strong Women Having Real Conversations

by Josh Welch
(Assistant Director Residence & Greek Life,  University of Central Missouri)

Alpha Chi Omega’s Alcohol Skills Training Program Approach to Empowering Women

As a part of the Alpha Chi Omega ASTP facilitator team I am excited to join the women of Alpha Chi Omega in REAL conversations, specifically about alcohol use and how to approach the choice to drink in a way that one is able to avoid the negative consequences sometimes associated with consumption. The Alcohol Skills Training Program (ASTP) is an approach that gives drinkers and non-drinkers information about alcohol and helps to facilitate dialogue with chapter members to clarify social norms using facts and evidence based practices. The program addresses alcohol’s affects on the body based on expectancy, how alcohol enters and leaves the body, and gives participants the opportunity to ask questions and develop personal strategies. By arming these women with knowledge they are better equipped to make decisions around their use of alcohol or abstinence from. Thankfully ASTP is a REAL risk management prevention approach that meets students where they are and empowers them to use skills and facts to make decisions that affect their life.

As a facilitator of the ASTP program I have seen chapter members engage in the REAL conversations about alcohol use, identify ways to promote change in consumption behavior and clarify the social norms in their chapter about the REAL acceptability of alcohol use. The women identified REAL situations in their lives and with information from the program made REAL informed decisions on how those situations would affect them and their chapter. One of the more powerful moments of a recent program was hearing women in the chapter send a STRONG message that misuse of alcohol was not acceptable behavior from members.

I am reminded of a saying that “if we are going to send our kids to the pool, we better make sure that they know how to swim.” Alpha Chi Omega has realized that our students on college campuses are faced with decisions about alcohol use, and from that realization they’ve worked to develop a program to equip their women with knowledge to face that decision. As Alpha Chi Omega works to offer ASTP to more of their chapters my hope is that the real, strong women who are attending these programs will take the information they learn and start conversations about safer ways to consume alcohol within their other networks on campus.

The Consultant Chronicles: Coming Home to Alpha Chi Omega

by Alex Mallea
(Alpha Iota, University of Vermont)

You know the feeling when you’ve been away from home for a while? Going to a college that was three thousand miles away from “home” always made me feel so grateful when I was given the opportunity to travel home.  I found myself dressing a little nicer and anxious to see familiar faces.  The comfort of home was always something that I held close to my heart. 

Having the opportunity to travel as a chapter consultant for Alpha Chi Omega has been a dream come true. I can still remember thinking that I could not have wanted anything more at the time than to be a chapter consultant, and the exciting part is that after traveling for the first few months, I still have the same passion. Traveling for Alpha Chi Omega reminds me of home.  I get the feeling of instant comfort when I go to a new place once every five days because of the bonds of sisterhood that we already share.  During recruitment, women always encourage potential new members to choose Alpha Chi Omega as their home away from home. Being on the road has made me realize that “home” can be anywhere so long as you have your sisters beside you.  Some may think that traveling so often would make it difficult to create a feeling of home.  Living out of two fifty pound suitcases for months at a time and traveling between different time zones would be nearly impossible if I did not have the comfort that the Alpha Chi Omega women create.

When I reflect on my experiences over the last few months, each collegiate woman has been so welcoming and genuine.  I feel confident about the future as I see so many amazing women that are going to “set the world on fire.”  They have taught me that “home” is a state of mind, and if you give them the opportunity they can teach you so much more about life.  Only a select group of people have the opportunity to have their dream job fresh out of college, and I am so grateful that I have had the opportunity to have one of the most rewarding experiences possible.

You learn to look for the small things to make your day. Be it waking up to a text message from another chapter consultant wishing you to have a great day or listening to your favorite Pandora station while you complete chapter reports at Starbucks; it is the small things begin to mean the most.  Being a chapter consultant for Alpha Chi Omega is finding out that you are not alone in your hopeless devotion for Alpha Chi Omega. It means waking up each morning excited for the next adventure.  Being an Alpha Chi Omega chapter consultant is finding out that no matter how far away you are from “home,” you’ll always have the values based organization that produces real, strong women to fall back on.  I am always so amazed with the women that I work with on a daily basis.  Although each may have their own personality, a common bond, much like a family, connects us all.